The local H.A.C (Health Advisory Committee) approved the new traffic offence based on 3 years of research done at the University of Texas done by the Mycology department. The new offence will be officially called “driving while under the influence of a severe cold”.
The original hypothesis was that someone suffering with a bad cold would be as equally impaired as a person who consumed 4 drinks and attempted to drive (within the hour). The research did not stop there, recently a special type of breath analyzer of sorts was invented to test mucus for levels of cold causing bacteria. This prototype has already earned nicknames inside the University, such as the Snotalyzer. The way it works is you blow your nose into the plastic chamber and it tests the number of cold causing germs per 100th of a milliliter of mucus, if the number is over 20,000 particles per million you would be considered intoxicated by your cold and will face the same legal penalties as a drunk driver.
It has been argued that most people can’t tell how badly they feel from a cold and they should not be punished by the law for say, driving to the doctor? The M.A.M (mucus analyzing machine), will go into production next month and be ready for trial use at the beginninng of 2007.
We spoke briefly via phone with officer Scot Crewns of the Texas State Police and he said, “I don’t know about this, I just can’t imagine pulling someone over and asking them to blow a wad of snot into a machine, I just re’ckon I would feel silly.”
