Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are
getting weak?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not
enough?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but
check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a
revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always
white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something
new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum
cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the
vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end you first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart
then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't
all right so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the
table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we
complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told
you to do it?

And obviously if at first you don't succeed, then don't take up sky diving!

And my FAVORITE.....

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering
from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends, if they're
okay, then it's you.

***********************

OH my...I didn't even realize I do the vacuum and string thing until I read this post.

These are great!! But don't forget this one -

Who is suppose to read the sign at the post office that states

" No dogs allowed except seeing eye dogs!" ???

HMMMM is right! lol

The people that have those tiny "Dogs" in their bags.

Thanks for this great post! I wasn't smiling too much this morning till I read it along with all the replies!

The last one listed is from Rita May Brown. I do use that one as one of my signatures for my yahoo account. And Oddly enough. I have two nut's in my biological family alone. Both are my aunt's one on each side of the family. Who new. And as far as I know. Only one of them have been locked up more than I could care to remember, But at least 5 different times.

hmmmmmmmmmmm