Q. Can instant messages or e-mails be tracked going back three years? My spouse's ex keeps saying he IMs her, begging her to come back. He denies it. I've tried to believe him but I NEED to know to continue in my marriage. She even gave me dates to check. He says you cannot do this, that the messages are gone. I need to know if my marriage is a lie. Can you please help me? Please do not use my name because his ex would love to know she got to me. She taunts me continuously. Yes, I block her, but she makes up new user IDs.

A. The short answer to your question is yes. Both e-mail and instant messaging systems archive old records. There should be no time limit, although there might be a space limitation.

In e-mail systems, the old e-mails are normally kept in a Sent folder. For instance, Microsoft Outlook calls its folder Sent Items. Yahoo! is simply Sent, as is Hotmail. Outlook also has an archive feature. That should show up with the live e-mail area. If your husband keeps old e-mail in Outlook, he might well be using the archive feature.

However, your husband might have deleted his old e-mail. If so, you are out of luck.

Instant messaging programs have similar systems. As far as I know, they all log messages. However, they might not save them unless the user tells them to. Or, your husband could just delete them. In that case, again, you are out of luck.

If you have access to the computer, check to see if old messages are there. You could ask your husband for help. But it sounds like he will tell you they don't exist.

Is his ex contacting you via e-mail? As you've learned, a blocked senders list doesn't work well. The other party need only change her user name. People use blocked senders lists to stop spam. But it doesn't work, for the same reason.

A much better solution is a safe senders list. For instance, Microsoft Outlook offers this feature. You list the e-mail addresses of people who can contact you. Everyone else is blocked.

In Outlook, click Tools>>Options. On the Preferences tab, click Junk E-mail. On the Options tab, select Safe Lists Only. Click the Safe Senders tab. Click Add and enter the addresses of people from whom you want e-mail. Click Apply>>OK>>OK. E-mail from others will go into the Junk E-mail folder.

Some IM systems may have a safe senders feature, too.

You might also call the police about your husband's ex. It sounds as if you are being stalked. The police may be able to stop her harassment.

Finally, it sounds like your husband could be more helpful. Consider counseling. He may not realize how much you are hurting.

Best of luck to you.