A child was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible.

This is amazing and brought tears of laughter to
my eyes.

I wonder how often we take for
granted that children understand
what we are teaching???

The Children's Bible in a Nutshell

In thebeginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some
gas. The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that.

Anyway, God said, 'Give me a
light!' and someone did.

Then God made the
world.

He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve
were naked, but they
weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet.

Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad
apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden.

Not sure what they were driven in though, because they
didn't have cars.

Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his
brother as long as he was Abel.

Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who
lived to be like a million or something.

One of the next
important people was Noah, who was a good guy,
but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built
a large boat and put his
family and some animals on it. He asked
some other people to join him, but they said they
would have to take a rain check.

After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.
Jacob was more famous
than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark

in exchange for some potroast. Jacob had a son named Joseph

who wore a really loud sports coat.

Anotherimportant Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was

Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel
Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God

sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues
included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable.

God fed the Israel Lights every
day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments.

These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet
your neighbor's stuff.

Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.

One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the
first Bible guy to usespies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol

and the fence fell over on the town.

After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot.

He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines.

My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.

After Solomon there were a bunch of major
league prophets.

One of these was Jonah, who was
swallowed by a big whale and then
barfed up on the shore. There were also some minor
league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.

After the Old Testament came the New
Testament. Jesus is the star of The New. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn.

(I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always
saying to me, 'Close the
door! Were you born in a barn?' It would
be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.')

During His life,
Jesus had many arguments with sinners like
the Pharisees and the Republicans.

Jesus also
had twelve opossums.

The worst one was Judas
Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they
named a terrible vegetable after him.

Jesus was a
great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount.

But the Republicans and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius
the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands
instead.

Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to
life again.

He went up to Heaven but will be back
at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution

Oh this is priceless.. From the mouths of babes. I have some friends who will enjoy reading this.

Got to love kids, they will tell you like it is.

Haha, that is hilarious! Love it!